DIY boys pirate costume... how not to do it

I am sometimes a weeee bit ambitious in the sewing department.  I like to think because I've watched a few seasons of Project Runway that I can work my way pretty handily around a sewing machine.  I assure you, I cannot.  However, I love making the boys Halloween costumes and this year Dave and Frank decided that they wanted to be pirates.  So pirate costumes... how to do it.  Or read this, then read someone else's blog on how you really do it and follow their advice to a tee while laughing at my sad creations. 

First off, let's get a pirate joke out of the way...
This is my favorite from the Hasting's Pirate Day website in the UK...

-What's a pirate's favourite letter of the alphabet?
....I've always had trouble with me alphabet, mate...I always get stuck at C!!

Alright onward with this riveting drivel...
The first and by far largest mistake was taking the boys with me to the fabric store.